GRAHAMSTOWN, South Africa  —
(http://www.dailyillini.com/may03/may06/opinions/stories/opinions_column02.shtml)

Curiously enough, the world doesn't work the way it should. Or perhaps it works a little too well for just a few of us.

Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. Some of us live while others die. Some of us succeed while others fail.

We search for happiness, only to find depression. We seek companionship, only to find loneliness.

But no matter what our troubles are, we continue living. We hang on for dear life not out of hope, but out of fear. The fear that this is all there is and nothing more — that we'll miss out on something important if we don't stick around.

Some of us look for structure in our lives. A philosophy or a religion — a way of explaining the events that occur around us. We create our own ideas of justice, fairness and equality, our own notion of what's right and wrong. But the reality we've constructed is terribly fragile. Sooner or later, something comes along to shatter our worldview.

More often than not, the revelations look promising. Our sense of life evolves and our opinions sharpen. Gradually, we learn how to recognize the right opportunities — how to make the right decisions and recover from inevitable setbacks.

It helps to travel and see the world — something I encourage everyone to do. Our lives are often shielded from the harsh conditions of reality. Most of us live in a dream world where there's plenty of access to happiness.

To a certain extent, I left my regular routine because I wanted a better grasp of the world. I wanted to witness the nature of pain and suffering. I wanted to understand why certain problems exist the way they do. Today, I realize that I was incredibly naive — but at least I was honest.

Sadly, I'm going to return even more confused than I was before, because what I've seen contradicts my own sense of justice, fairness, equality, and of what's right and wrong.

I've seen shades of grey and exceptions to the rule. I've seen people continue to fight when there's nothing left to fight for. I've seen the plight of others and wondered why I was the lucky one.

After a while, it stops making any sense. How can there be a grand design to life when the world is so broken and incomplete?

If events happen at random, without any purpose or meaning, what guarantees do we have that we'll succeed? What prevents my life from becoming insignificant? "Don't worry, things will work out in the end," is an empty promise.

Hope is a luxury that others can't afford. Looking past our immediate circles and borders reveals that the world is still in a state of crisis. It's a terrifying place, where people suffer each day due to the mistakes of history.

For those who struggle, the future looks grim. Their future will one day be ours. And what will happen then? We've spent our lives soul searching without realizing that's a privilege, not a right. When you suddenly find yourself without a roof over your head, without food on the table and without a real education, your blueprint for happiness changes.

Occasionally, we're given chances for redemption, and now is the right time for reflection. At long last, we can trace the paths we've taken and ask ourselves the difficult questions. What have we achieved? How have we improved? What have we gained?

If only you knew how tragic life can be. Once I was told that the moment you see past superficiality, depression sets in. When you realize that there's more to life than happiness, you're suddenly at a loss for what to do.

These are the times when I feel the most helpless. For a split second, I can imagine the burden that's possible when I discover life's flaws. All of a sudden, there's too much to be done, too much that needs fixing. Everything requires urgent attention — so much of life has already been destroyed. But slowly, you learn to live with what you see.

I've decided that when I return home, I'll be more cautious when speaking to others. When meeting people for the first time, I'll treat them with a bit more care. I'll search for the understanding in their eyes and watch for the recognition in their faces. And if it gets too difficult, I might beg for a minute of their time.

Come, pull up a chair, I'll say. Let me tell you why I think the world works the way it does or maybe why it doesn't work the way it should. But be careful — don't get too disillusioned by what you see before you.